SPECIAL EDITION

Yvette, Barbara's mother, passed away this week.  Like so many of you, Barbara and I have now experienced the passing of both parents.  We are at the head of the table even if, as in my case, I still wish someone would show up who is the "elder" and sit in that seat.  I don't want to be there. It carries too much symbolic weight and meaning.  But no matter how often I have that wish, it will not change a thing--it is up to us now.

I am pretty clear that only time helps--not words on a page like this.  Memories help also. Like this one--I am coming off a 4 stop propeller flight from Detroit to Scranton on good old Allegheny Airlines.  It is 1968. My Levis have just been patched (in my man area) by a close friend.  Barbara and I  are to be married in less than a year. Yvette is berserk about how I could look like that; but, more importantly, how could they have been fixed and by whom. She frequently reminded me of this episode.  I was a stranger in a strange land who was met with hugs, kisses, and warmth.  Then, of course, fed.

She was a professional woman at a time when there were few of them.  But, like Al her husband, that professional role was only a supplement to her core values--her love of family and her strong religious belief. Her family "tent" was enormous.  Cousins twice and three times removed were welcomed and sat at her table.  And not just welcomed--made to feel comfortable.  Much like the way she made me feel.

Over the last few months, as she struggled with her diminished capacity, I marveled at her absence of fear. Yes, she complained of the pain; but she never said "I am scared".  There is no doubt in my mind that I will be scared silly if (or when) I am ever in a similar situation. This strength comes from within; but also comes from her strong reliance on faith--this characteristic is something that her generation has that most of us in my generation do not have.  In many ways, I am jealous.

Finally--to Jess, Anna, Tess, Jake, Lilli, and Oliver--hang onto the memories, remember the anecdotes, take strength from her strength, and be proud of what she accomplished.  Remember her values and how they can help guide you as you each move through life.