The alternative title for this was to be : "all the stuff Barbara no longer wanted to listen to". My initial goal was to rant and rave-complain and probably whine. I may yet get there. But, as always, life (or in this case death) intruded.

Many headlines are devoted to which athlete or which star is a good role model for the rest of us especially younger folks. I barely have time to figure that out--but tend to think we need to find our role models closer to us. People who are in our lives at home, in the community, at work, or in the circle of friends we have. I was lucky--Sy was my role model and he died this past Monday.

He was (and will remain) my role model because for 20 odd years he battled cancer with dignity, with anger, and without giving up his life. He remained a curmudgeon (and I say that both positively and respectfully since I am another curmudgeon without any of Sy's redeeming qualities). He cared about me, my family, and all our ups and downs. He inquired about them and listened to my responses. He was happy if we were all doing well and he said so. He cared about politics in a savvy non- doctrinal way. He ate anything and everything for all of those 20 years and annually celebrated our first bar bq of the season with us--not caring a bit about cholesterol, fried food, or calories.

He loved Joan, Ruthbea, Neil, and eventually his twin grandchildren. I saw a great picture of him with those grandchildren just this morning--he looked great and happy. I wanted him back so we could be grandfathers together--full of complaints about them but deeply in love with and committed to them at the same time.

He never once complained about his fight (except to bitterly complain about health care in general), walked to chemo for the longest time, was not visibly saddened by his fate, and cared about the world around him even at the end of his life. He argued but never held a grudge. We disagreed and not politely--but I never felt demeaned or put down or worried that this would end our relationship.

Mainly, mainly, he cared about me--I felt it deeply and feel his loss even more. I cannot imagine who will "apprciate" my anger like he did. He is my role model and I will live with that thought and his memory for as long as I am alive.